A sister's sorrow
by volleyballsongbird
Summary: What if Petunia didn’t hate her sister but loved her? What if Vernon forced her to be like she is? Here is a letter written to Lilly by Petunia the day after she finds Harry on their doorstep.Oneshot


**Disclaimer I don't own Harry Potter or any other of JK Rowling's characters as much as I wish I do.**

**Summary: What if Petunia didn't hate her sister but loved her? What if Vernon forced her to be like she is? Here is a letter written to Lilly by Petunia the day after she finds Harry on their doorstep.**

-------

Dearest Lilly,

I was always jealous of you, little sister. Even when you didn't know you were a witch, I envied. Though you insisted that Mum and Dad liked me better, I knew that they loved you more. You were the reckless one, the one that they had to worry about and the unpredictable one. You were smart, beautiful and kind. Friends just seemed to gravitate towards you, while I had to work for someone to even smile at me. I am even envious of your friendship with Severus because I felt that he might have been someone who would have understanded me.

Everything came easy to you; you had the better marks, the better sport teams and more friends. There was no challenge that you faced that you couldn't beat. I guess that's why I'm having such a hard time believing you are dead. You and James were so full of life. The world seemed to be your oyster and you could and would do anything you wanted to do with it. I loved you but I was too jealous, to full of pride to tell you that, now I can't.

You know the day when Dumbledore turned me down? I was heart broken. The only hope I had of being with you, my best friend, my little sister and that everything would turn out well. I would have been able to understand you. I had, at first, hoped that nothing would change between you, that I might even become more popular in your absence that I would become the social butterfly that you had been. That first owl you sent back broke my already broken heart again. It was full of your awe and wonder, it talked about things that I knew that I would never understand. It talked about powers that I could only wish I had, but you had in bounty.

Each you letter that you sent to me made my heart break into tinier and tinier pieces, until one day where it felt that instead of a heart, I had a hole in my chest, one that would never heal. That was I went into that depression. I don't think you heard about that one did you? You were at school and I never did anything as drastic as I should have done.

That was, of course, until I realized if I don't care that you would not matter, nothing would matter. Isn't the opposite of love not hate, but indifference? I guess it was then when I turned my heart into stone, to let it wait until you did something else to break it.

I had decided that I would never care about what you or any others like you. I would insult you if I felt that I was going to break my vow never to be envious of you and your life. But even through that I was envious, just doing that, showed the world that I really did care. I might not have known that then, but I know it now. I'm sorry for that too.

The next time I was affected by you and your world was your 16th birthday. The party? The one where you invited over your wizard friends and someone brought alcohol? The one where I got drunk and kissed Severus? And he kissed me back? I thought that I loved him, even for just a second. For that one moment, it didn't matter that I despised him, most of the time. He seemed to know how I felt. He would have been my key back into your life, your world. That one second of drunken stupidness broke open my heart to the possibility of being broken again. That night, I thought I saw away back to being with you again.

Then, again, my hopes and my heart were shattered. It was the next day, when he came over to give you that headache cure and I saw the way he looked at you. A look of love that I never would never receive, like he would do anything for you, even die. He loved you and hated me. I was nothing, not even on his radar. That day, my heart turned to dust, even though I never really liked him.

It was that summer that I met Vernon. I didn't love him, didn't even like him, I don't now. But he gave a damn about me, thought I was pretty and smart, that is why I accepted his proposal. He loved me, until the day he met you, the wondrous person you were. Beautiful, contrasted to me I was a piece of moss and you were a huge bouquet of the most unique and exotic flowers. You were smart, I was the dunce and you were the teacher's pet. You had magic and I was a muggle. You were, in short everything a man would want, how could Vernon not fall in love with you? That was the day I started to hate you, the day of my wedding. You were a man stealer, even though you had Potter, you had stolen the only man who might have loved me. You were perfect and I hated it.

Then I had my son, Dudley. Do you know that I might hate him as much as I hate Vernon? He is just like Vernon. When I had him, I hoped that he would be like you little sister. Kind and caring, I wouldn't have minded if he was a wizard if he was like you, but no, that dream would never happen. Then I heard about Harry, I knew he would be like you, I already hated him.

Then this morning, when I opened the door and saw him there, I knew you were dead. He was your way of taunting me in your after life. A reminder every time I saw him, that I was not good enough. Not good enough to be a witch, not good enough to have a real love, not even good enough to have a decent son, a reminder that I was a failure.

I am sorry for all the awful things that I will do to him. Vernon won't let him ever succeed, I think he might even hit him, like he hits me, and I will have to watch it all. I am sorry for all the things I have done to you. I am sorry that I hated you, hated everything about you. I am sorry that I was jealous. And most of all, I am sorry that I never told you that I loved you.

Please Forgive Me,

Tuney

-----

Petunia Dursley looked at the tear stained paper, then over at her sister's son. She emitted a soft sob. Her little sister, her best friend, her precious flower, her witch, was dead, murdered and Petunia would never see her again. She softly brushed the young boy's face before leaving. She took her tear stained letter with her and went to find closure. She was off to visit her sister's grave.

----

A/N: Please review this story. I would like to know any thoughts you may have on it.


End file.
